But you are under no obligation to join a conga line.
I’ve been watching Pretty Little Liars and it’s making me feel like a complete degenerate. I did nothing in high school, and I feel horrible about it. I just spent my Tuesday evening making myself breakfast for dinner, and watching PLL until eternity. Also drinking a half a bottle of wine to myself and feeling terrible about it. I am afraid to look up the signs of alcoholism because I don’t want anything to become true.
Another girl at my work is pregnant; not married; and younger than me. I feel like shit. I want to run away. Like on a beach and never come back.
I have no friends and I sit alone in my house by myself all week. I have no life anymore. I don’t even know what I’m living for anymore. I spend all my non-rent money on booze and clothing. And that’s not really amounting to anything.
I’ve never wanted this job so much in my life and I feel like it was thrown back into my face. I’m trying to get over it but I can’t. I don’t know how to deal with anything anymore. I thought things were going to be easy after school but it’s just gotten worse.
I have never felt so alone.
instead of posting to social networks about how shitty i feel, i’ll post to the anti-social network that is tumblr.
i got denied a dream job of sorts today. i cried at work.
i like getting up early. i like hearing the birds get up and greet their friends. i hate getting up early for my current job. i think i might be depressed, but i’m not sure because i just feel guilty about being depressed.
i don’t really know if i’m depressed or not. maybe i’m just sad. but i feel really crippled in the morning trying to get ready. i’ve had a headache since christmas. i don’t really understand when i will be happy again. i really need a new job. crying at work in the bathroom for next to no reason is not the way i want to be living.
i’m going to write until my hands fall off tonight after work. long day ahead.
im going to write a book. first of many, hopefully. first book will be an autobiography, because i’m having trouble defining myself nowadays. mostly because i don’t give myself any time to reflect and think. mostly because i’m exhausted from a shitty job.